you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
