i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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