Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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