Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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