a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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