I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The dick lei will go down in squad history
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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