we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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