One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
