Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
