I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
