two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
