..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
