Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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