I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
