How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
