Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
