just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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