I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
