remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
