You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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