Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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