your parents love me but you hate me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
