A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
