dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
