the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
