It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
