It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
