like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
