She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
