Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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