Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
