so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
