batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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