Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
