Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
