I cannot find my penis.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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