i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
