$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
