I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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