I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All I want is dick and wine.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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