For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
