singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
