Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
