finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
