: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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