I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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