I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
