Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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