Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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