just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
